Sunset Shades
by jxr1
Summary: Everyone knew her as Kevin, the gunslinging, drinking brawler. Then Mandy decided to step in and mess with her spiritual life. Trying to escape the past, Karen convinces Adam Cartwright to give her a job, but instead finds a series of mysteries and murder


She'd watched them all ride in; Ben, Hoss, Joe, and Adam Cartwright. Their magnificent horsemanship and skill with the gun was legendary in the small town east of Virginia City, and just thinking about them made her gut clench in jealousy. And now here were the Cartwrights, every single one of them, on _her_ territory.

Karen Lanard pushed herself away from the horse tying post she had been leaning against and walked towards the four riders as they dismounted.

"Can I help you," she asked in a deep tone with a slight rasp to it.

The Cartwrights looked at her in some surprise. Karen knew what she looked like to them. After a nasty occurrences in San Francisco, she had decided men obviously were not the sort of people to mess with – if you were a fifteen year old girl. So she decided to restart life from a different perspective. A haircut, a pair of trousers, and a name were all that was needed to start a new life in this small town east of Virginia. And now, at age nineteen, she had earned that life - a life where everyone feared her name.

"Yes, we're looking for someone by the name of Kevin Lanard," Ben Cartwright answered in his deep voice. "Perhaps you could direct us to him?"

Karen twitched a half smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I'm Kevin," she answered, taking note of Joe and Hoss's obvious surprise compared to Adam's raised eyebrow. To anyone who met her, she appeared to be a fifteen year old boy who enjoyed wearing black and had never done a day's work in his life. But to anyone who knew her – make that anyone who knew _Kevin_, – she was a dangerous, cold hearted, stoic rotweiler ready to attack anyone in a moment's notice. No sane person messed with Kevin Lanard, and those idiots who did regretted it instantly.

Karen tilted her head back a little and gave them her trademark sardonic half-smile. "Guess you came to see the horses, huh?" she asked in a bored tone.

Adam nodded. "You did wire us about a couple stallions, right?"

Karen put her arms out and let them drop to her sides again. "That's me." She jabbed her thumb over her shoulder. "Out back. I'm expecting a good price for them, so no bargaining." Best to let her customers know exactly what she wanted, even if they were _Cartwrights_.

She strode down the porch of the building, letting the Cartwrights hurry to tether their own horses and follow her. _Aaah, the feeling of success._ After being at the bottom of the totem pole of life for so long, it always felt euphoric to watch people scrambling to keep up with _her_ for once.

"Over here," she called to Little Joe as she walked over to three gorgeous stallions.

She saw his eyes light up as he saw them, and gave a smug smile in response. Oh, yes, they were beautiful. She raised only the best of horses, and had selectively chosen these three and groomed them until their manes and coats practically shone in the sun. _Yessir, you did outdo yourself this time, Karen. Just wait till they practically grovel at your feet in order to meet your price range._ Well, not quite grovel. They were Cartwrights after all, and from what she had heard, they did have a little more dignity than that. Not like some of her other customers, who often returned home dejected and empty handed.

Little Joe instantly took a liking to the 16 hands pure white stallion. He was a strong horse and obviously well bred. Looking over the horse's tall back, he could see his father and brothers were equally pleased with the other two stallions; one chestnut gold, and the other a dark mahogany. Both were as tall as the white stallion, and all three seemed equally tame. Joe cast a hopeful look at Ben, who gave him a smile and a quick nod. Joe grinned as he rubbed the spot between the white stallion's eyes.

"How much?" he asked over his shoulder, where Kevin was leaning against the wall of the building, observing them with an indifferent expression.

"Thirty-five hundred a piece, no less."

Ben seemed to feel the price was reasonable enough for the quality of the horses, as he immediately pulled out his wallet and started writing up a bill of sale.

"What about that one," Joe asked as he nodded his head towards another stallion tethered to a post a few feet away. Jet black and seventeen hands tall, this one promised speed and power. He would be a good breeder too, no doubt.

Kevin sniffed and pushed his hat up slightly. "Not for sale," he said nonchalantly. "He's mine."

"He's a fine stallion," Ben answered as he handed Kevin the bill of sale and a pen.

"They all are. I raise only the best!" Karen let a little pride show in her voice as she praised her work.

Before Ben could finish handing her the bill, she held up a hand to stop him. "First you gotta sign this," she said as she handed him a gold embossed document. At Ben's questioning glance she explained, "It's a contract. It means I can come see the horses whenever I want and make sure they're okay." She knew they would be. The Cartwrights weren't ones to neglect any animal, but she still reserved the rights to come check up on her horses every now and then.

Ben and Adam both read it through several times to make sure it didn't have any catches in it, then Ben signed it and handed it to her.

Karen took it, examined the signature, then shook Ben's hand. "Looks like we got ourselves a deal, sir," she said in her best gunfighter's tone.

Adam gave her another raised eyebrow, and she took pleasure in matching him stare for stare. The eldest Cartwright son seemed to recognize the challenge, as it was only after Joe managed to barge his way in as he ran to collect the white stallions reins did either of them look away.

"You're welcome to come to the Ponderosa anytime you like," Ben answered smartly as he put the bill of sale in his saddlebag and mounted his horse, pulling the golden stallion's tether behind him.

"Yeah, well just don't change their names," Karen called out after him. "The white one's Prince, the gold one's Racer, and the mohogany's Montoya, got it?"

"Prince, Racer, and Montoya," Ben repeated. "I won't forget."

"Now don't you worry none," Hoss assured her as he tipped his hat. "We're gonna take good care of 'em."

"Yeah, there's no better place for them," Joe said as he flashed her a grin. If he had known exactly _who_ he had been talking to, that grin might have had a bit more meaning to it, but thankfully he hadn't seen through her little fascade.

"You raise horses like this often?" came the soft question from behind her. Karen turned around to see Adam staring at her, apparently trying to figure her out.

"Yeah, what's it to you," she asked as she crossed her arms and stared him down. "Got a problem with it?"

He inclined his head. "No, it just seems strange to see a fifteen year old kid breeding horses with this much quality."

Karen bristled inwardly with indignation, but forced herself to remain calm. "You calling me a kid?" she asked in the tone any gunfighter would recognize as an immediate invitation to back down immediately.

Adam raised his eyebrow. "You are fifteen aren't you?"

Karen gave him a death glare and slowly traced her sidearm with one finger. "You'd best ride out of here, Cowboy, or I might just decide to forget you made a purchase." She carefully loosened the gun in its holster as she spoke.

Adam took note of the gesture and dipped his head slightly, then mounted his horse. "No offense meant," he said in that infuriatingly calm tone of his as he tipped his hat, then rode out.

Karen watched him leave, then kicked at the fence post in frustration. Phooey on that Cartwright! What was it about him that just naturally set off the agitation button in every supposedly emotionless person he met?

Karen growled softly then un-tethered Scorpion, her obsidian stallion, from the post. "Come on boy," she whispered in her normal voice. "Let's head on home."

She would take up Ben Cartwright's offer to visit the Ponderosa later, he could be sure of that.

….

Ben felt rather pleased with himself as he poured two glasses of brandy for himself and Adam.

"Have you ever seen such fine horses in your life?" he exclaimed loudly as he walked over to the settee.

Adam took a sip of brandy and considered a minute. "No I haven't, Pa," he admitted. "They really are something."

"Something? They're better than that! I bet there's no finer horses in the entire state of Virginia!" Ben started pacing again in his excitement. "And for such fair prices too. Why, they probably would have sold for twice as much in the market!"

Adam nodded slowly. Something was still niggling the back of his brain however. The dealer, Kevin. He seemed too…Adam couldn't put a word to it – a rare occurrence as Joe always said, seeing as to the education Adam had, but it was true. There was something about Kevin that just didn't match. Adam took a large swallow of his brandy and considered. Too emotionless, too sadistic, too – too _something_.

"Pa, where do you think he got the horses from," Adam finally asked.

"Well he said he raised them himself didn't he?" Ben answered.

"I know that, but where did he get the horses to start off his herd? And who is he anyhow? All we know is his name."

Ben stopped his pacing as he thought. "Well you don't think he's going against the law, do you?" he questioned, immediately suspecting what his eldest son was trying to get at.

Adam shrugged. "He seemed rather close-lipped to me. Almost as though he was hiding something. Why else would he have sold us the horses for such a small fee?"

Ben considered a minute. "I suppose I could always ask Roy Coffee to look into it," he answered, "But I don't think we'll find anything wrong. The whole town seemed to know the boy after all."

Adam nodded slowly. _And yet it was as if they were all afraid of him…_

…..

Karen rode into her canyon late that night. Kevin'scanyon she called it, and all the others in town called it that too. The boxed off walls were the perfect source of protection for her horses, being so slick and steep not even a mountain lion could scale them. She had built the wall blocking off the entrance herself, and it had both lock and key to keep out strangers at night or while she was away.

Karen sighed deeply and took off Scorpion's saddlebags so he could join the rest of the horses, then leaned back and with great satisfaction examined her herd. None of the mares and stallions were shorter than fifteen and a half hands, and all were strongly built racers bred for the desert life. Their coats all shone in the setting desert sun, another sign of their excellent breeding. Karen grinned and rubbed the ears of a wobbly-legged chestnut colored foal as it stumbled over to her.

"You should be with your mother," she whispered, then sent it trotting back to the herd with a light pat on its rump.

Karen sighed, a little more sadly this time, as she made her way over to the small shelter she had built into the only cave in the stony barrier. Pushing aside the bearskin rug she used as a door, she fumbled with a match and lit the small lamp resting on one of the rocks jutting out from the wall.

"Dear diary," she muttered to herself as she pulled some jerky from a small cache in the wall, "Sold Prince, Sunstar, er, Ronald – Racer –or was his name actually Rigel? Anyways, I sold him and Montoya today. Not feeling so swell. And I think Adam's suspicious. Not cool." She plopped down and sat cross legged on the pile of furs that made up her bed, sighed and pulled a worn book off the shelf two feet up the wall. Karen stared at it for about ten minutes as she finished her jerky, then reluctantly flipped it open to the Pslams, taking note of one she had highlighted several years before. She used to read her Bible more, before _it_ happened.

_Psalm 113:_

_Praise the Lord._

_Praise, O servants of the Lord,_

_Praise the name of the Lord._

_Let the name of the Lord be praised,_

_Both now and forever more…_

Several verses into the chapter her brain switched off, and she caught herself reading over the words but not comprehending them. Just as Karen reached the last verse she remembered what she was doing and quickly tuned out of "daze mode." She re-read the last verse a couple times to make up for losing track of the rest of the chapter, then quickly closed the Bible and hastily returned it back to the shelf.

Karen sat quietly a moment, trying to clamp down the emptiness she felt. She didn't need a preacher to tell her she was far from God. She'd known ever since that night two weeks after San Fransisco, when she first resorted to horse thieving as a way to survive. Since then…Karen shrugged. God was out there for sure, but as for being interested in her, she figured He could really care less. She had been running for far too long. No, He wouldn't want her back.

Besides, I don't even read my Bible except a chapter at night. Guess once I start following Him, then He'll start looking for me.

Karen sighed again, a heart-wrenching broken sound, then snuffed out the light. She tuned out any thoughts of God and drew the covers tightly around her chin. _So…Cartwrights, huh? Maybe I'll pay them a visit sometime. Adam and Joe aren't so bad…_

She dreamed that night of kissing Joe, a dream that found her in the morning wiping her mouth furiously and seriously reconsidering her idea of visiting the Cartwrights any time soon.

…..

Joe's face was radiant as he galloped through the meadow, testing out Prince. The stallion had instantly become a favorite of his and Ben's – it was a bittersweet reminder of a beautiful Arabian that was destined to be a gift once.

Joe through his head back and crowed out his delight. The stallion was faster than Cochise on any day, and much as he would never give up his beloved paint horse, Prince was certainly a much more exciting companion.

Reaching the edge of the forest line, Joe reigned Prince around and surveyed the landscape. Prince had galloped several miles nonstop in less than an hour and hadn't even broken a sweat.

"Guess you're going to have no trouble running the cattle drive," Joe said good naturedly as he patted the stallion's albino flank.

Prince shook his head vehemently and snorted, as though feeling utterly ridiculed at the very thought of being used for something as simple as a cattle drive.

"Hey, Joe!" a voice called out, startling Joe momentarily. He looked over his shoulder to see Clem, one of the ranch hands, riding over.

"Nice horse Joe," Clem said appraisingly as he looked Prince over. "Cain't say I've ever seen one as pretty as tha'un before."

Clem always made Joe nervous. His shrewd eyes always rested on whatever property he deemed most valuable at the moment. More often than not he got what he wanted. Ben had mentioned that Clem and he had had some sort of disagreement over a property deed in the past, though he never went into detail over it.

"Yeah, he sure is," Joe replied, letting a warning tone creep into his voice. "He belongs to my Pa."

Clem instantly took note of Joe's suspicion. "Ah, no worries, Joe. I'm just saying he's an excellent piece of horseflesh, that's all. Where'd you get him?"

"Horse breeder," Joe answered shortly. "In town."

"Horse breeder, huh?" Clem repeated softly as he examined Prince. The stallion's ears were flat against his skull and he was beginning to bare his teeth.

"Don't think he like's me much, does he?" Clem asked, then barked a laugh. "Well, you take good care of him, Cartwright. There ain't many horses of that there quality around anymore."

"Yeah, sure." Joe agreed, hoping Clem would leave soon.

"Oh, by the way," Clem drawled, "Your Pa asked me to tell you to head on back. Appears he wants to talk over the upcoming cattle drive."

"Thanks," Joe nodded sharply and quickly reigned Prince away.

"Oh, and kid," Clem called out, grinning at Joe's reaction to being called 'kid,' "You watch out for that horse. Don't want him to get stolen none, now don'tcha."

Joe gave him another warning glare and galloped Prince back through the meadow.

Clem watched him go. "Yeah, you just go ahead and run on home to daddy, boy. You're gonna want him soon enough."

….

Karen sighed and rolled her eyes as she walked down the street. Passerbyers, gamblers, merchants, all scrambled to get out of her way, moving faster than if there had been a runaway stagecoach heading straight for them. _Another life on par,_ she thought to herself as she strolled into the bank.

"I'd like to make a deposit," she said shortly, letting "Kevin" take over.

"Uh, I mean – of-of course! Anything you want – uh, Kevin sir!" the banker stammered as he unlocked a safebox against the wall.

Karen rolled her eyes. Somehow her reputation always preceded her. This was going to take for_ever_!

"H-how much?" the banker squeaked.

Karen gave him a narrowed eyes glance and slapped forty five hundred onto the counter. "Think you can count that?" she asked sarcastically.

"Why y-y-yes, of-of course!" the banker said affably. Too nicely in fact. That was the problem with a reputation. Everyone was always _too_ ready to please her.

"Relax, I'm not going to shoot you," Karen finally told him. That was the wrong thing to say.

"SH-SHOOT ME!" he cried out, "BUT I – I HAVE CH-CHILDREN TO FEED! AND – AND A WIFE TO CARE FOR! YOU-YOU C-CAN'T REALLY – !"

Karen/Kevin groaned. "Oh, do shut up!" she growled. "Just put it in my account, alright!" She stalked out, muttering, "I don't believe this." One little incidence had earned her the respect and fear of the entire town.

_She'd been running late that night, and was anxious to get back home. She hadn't taken two steps out of the saloon however when a man stopped her._

"_Hey, kid. You didn't pay me up for that bet."_

"_Beg pardon?" she bristled, indignant at being called 'kid.'_

"_I bet twenty dollars you'd pass out after that third drink. You didn't even finish your second."_

_Karen rolled her eyes. "Look, mister, I'm trying to get home, and you're in my way."_

_The man's eyes turned dangerous. "I'm warning you…" His hand moved towards his gun, but Karen was faster._

_Three seconds later she was staring in shock at the dead man lying at her feet in a pool of his own blood. When the sheriff questioned her later, she still couldn't say exactly how the whole argument started._

_Only one fact was known in town about the whole ordeal; Ricky Trucker, the fastest gun in town, had been shot dead by a fifteen year old kid._

_No one had threatened her since._

"Kevin, are you feeling all right?" a soft voice spoke up.

Karen started and whirled around to see Mandy Wilkins walking up to her. Although Mandy was her best friend, she often made Karen nervous. Karen always suspected Mandy knew exactly what façade she was putting up, but thankfully she had never pressed the issue.

"Uh, yeah, fine." Karen stammered. "Why?"

The twenty-three-year-old girl smiled. "You looked rather exasperated, Kevin. Were you giving the banker a hard time, or was it the other way around?" she teased.

Karen shrugged.

Mandy smiled amiably and started walking besides her. "I hear you sold a couple of your stallions yesterday."

Karen shrugged again. "Yeah, got a pretty good price for them." She had to strictly remind herself to use her deep voice – Mandy's kind and fearless nature always put her off guard.

"Did you sell Sunbeam yet?" Mandy asked, a slightly wistful tone slipping in.

Karen smiled as she remembered how much Mandy loved the beautiful golden brown mare she had brought to town once. Mandy always asked about her.

"Nope, just some stallions."

Mandy breathed a slight sigh of relief. "Which ones did you sell?" Mandy was the only person who had ever been allowed to actually go see Karen's entire herd. The other people in town only got to see a few horses at a time, and only when Karen was ready selling them.

"Prince, Rigel – er, Roy – I mean, uh – Racer, and Montoya."

Mandy laughed. "You mean Rinevero? You never could remember golden boy's name," she teased.

Karen shrugged. "It escapes me sometimes," she said, trying to restore her bruised ego.

Mandy laughed again. "Who did you sell them to?"

"Cartwrights. Thirty-five hundred a piece."

Mandy's eyes brightened. "The Cartwrights! Well your little business certainly _is_ becoming well known. I hear they own one of the biggest ranches in Virginia!" Her eyes took on a sly look. "And their _sons_ are quite handsome too."

Karen stiffened slightly, wondering for the hundredth time just how much Mandy knew but didn't let on. She rolled her eyes. "You girls," she griped, "All you ever think about is getting married."

"Why Kevin," Mandy said in a mock-hurt tone. "As though you could say such a thing! Besides," she continued, "Haven't you ever thought about it sometimes yourself?"

Karen made a face. "Nope. Just me and the horses, that's how I like it."

"Yes, I'm sure it is," Mandy said, sounding like she meant every word. "Do you ever get lonely out there, just by yourself?"

"Uuuh…Guess I've never taken time to consider that," Karen hesitated. _Okay, conversation officially over_. "Never worried too much about friends," she said off-handedly.

Mandy gave her a sad smile. "I'm sorry to hear that, but I suppose if it works for you…" She stopped Karen as she started to walk away and slipped something into her hand. "I won't always be there for you, lassy," she whispered. "But I know there's a friend in this that will never let you down."

Karen stared in shock as Mandy winked at her and boarded the stage leaving for Virginia City. _Lassy? So she did know…_ Karen looked at the object Mandy had slipped her before leaving. It was a small gospel tract. Karen's emotions rose sky high, and she waited until the stage was safely out of sight before slamming the tract into the dust and kicking it under the porch.

I know who God is, and I know I need Him. But you can bet your life I'm not going to go looking if you start pushing me.

Karen growled and stomped her way into the bar, where a quick glare cowed everyone into silence.

"The usual," she growled as she slumped down onto a barstool and started tracing the pattern on the counter.

The bartender gave her a good natured smile. He was the only person besides Mandy who wasn't afraid of her cold and deadly atmosphere.

"Mandy getting at you again?" he asked as he poured her a raw whiskey.

Karen nodded and ran her finger along the rim of the shot glass. "I don't see why she has to be so _perfect_ all the time," she muttered, "Like she's some sort of goody-two-shoes or something."

"You'll get over it," the bartender answered, another remark only he could get away with. "Mandy does that to everyone. Guess it's cause she's a Christian."

"Yeah, well don't wait around to see her push her faith on me," Karen growled. "Been there done that, and not about to go that way again." She drained her glass and poured herself another one.

"Just make sure you're able to ride back," was the only comment the bartender made as he watched her gulp down another one.

Karen smiled. It was a game between them. The bartender always enjoyed boasting about how many shot glasses Karen could empty and yet still make it home. Not to mention she was always able to remember how to work the lock and key of her canyon.

"Thinkin' of making a visit to the Cartwrights," she commented.

The bartender raised an eyebrow. "Cartwrights?" he questioned. "Don't know much about them, 'cept they're plumb crazely rich."

Karen nodded and drained a fifth glass. "Yep, and I sold them three horses just the other day."

"M-hm," the bartender gently but firmly pried the whisky bottle from Karen's hand and pointed to the door. "I'm losing customers," he answered to her questioning glance. "And you should be heading on home."

Karen looked miffed, but she nodded and placed a couple dollars on the counter. Taking her shot glasses, she carefully placed them each upside down on the counter, just to prove she was still sober, then took the bottle from the bartender. "Guess I should be able to ride home okay," she muttered in a slightly slurred tone."

"Ride safe," the bartender answered in the same calm tone as he continued to wipe the counter.

Karen mounted her horse and set out for home with small difficulty. She was used to draining the bottle. Once back safely inside her small cave behind padlocked wall, she skimmed over Psalm 111 before laying back and slowly sipping the rest of the whiskey. She had almost finished it when she finally fell back onto the pillow in a drug-induced sleep.

….

Karen woke late the next morning with the expected raging headache. _Great. One more thing to add to my day._ She slowly sat up and stretched, ignoring the sharp pain in her temples. Splashing her face with icy water helped a little, but she still groaned as the broiling sun hit her face on. Karen blinked several times at the bright light, then smiled as Scorpion whinnied and trotted over to greet her, several colts stumbling after him. Stroking Scorpion's nose a few times, she knelt down and played around with the foals as they tripped over each other in a mad dash for attention. Her brain muddled from the hangover, Karen found herself singing before she could stop herself. It was just a simple child's song taught to her by her dad, but it had so much more meaning given the circumstances…

_In the beginning God made the sea,_

_And the forest filled with trees,_

_He made the mountains up so high,_

_At the very top He placed the sky._

_God's fingerprints are everywhere,_

_Just to show how much He cares – _

Karen stopped and shoved the song from her mind. _Once He cared. But how much could He love me know, after I've done so much…_

She growled at herself and shoved the thought away. _Great. Do you have to get so spiritual on yourself like that? I need a break. A really LONG break._

The answer came sooner than she expected as Mandy rode into view. "Kevin," she called. "Where were you this morning?"

Karen grimaced. "Held over with a hangover," she grumbled.

Mandy gave her a half-sympathetic, half-chastising look, then asked "Can I get you an aspirin?"

Karen grinned, rubbing her temples. That was one redeeming factor about Mandy. Christian though she was, she never pushed anyone further than they wanted, and she was always there to get her friends out of yet another sticky mess.

"Actually, there is a way you can help me," Karen said slowly as she stroked Sunbeam's nose and put a rope halter around the horse's neck. She kissed its nose and handed the halter to Mandy. "Take care of Sunbeam," she choked out, not bothering to deepen her voice for the first time.

Mandy gasped, both at the gift and at "Kevin's" voice change. "Who are you, really?" she asked softly.

Karen shrugged. "My name's Karen Lanard. My parent's were murdered when I was fifteen. I've been living as a boy since." She gave Mandy a dark glare, daring her to show sympathy.

Mandy only nodded her understanding. "And you feel you need to get away for a time?"

Karen was struck by how well Mandy could sense her deepest thoughts. "Yeah," she said slowly, "I do." She sighed again. "Can you take care of my horses for a while? At least until I get back?"

Mandy smiled as she rubbed Sunbeam's neck. "Of course, Kevin – or, it's Karen isn't it."

Karen smiled ruefully. "Yeah, guess so. But don't let anyone else here it. No one's called me that since…since San Francisco." She growled again and stalked into her cave where she began packing up some changes of clothing and supplies.

She looked up in surprise when Mandy took the Bible off her shelf and silently handed it to her.

"Don't forget to read it every now and then," Mandy said with a soft smile.

Karen didn't know whether to thank her or shout at her, so she just shoved the Bible into her pack and hurried outside to saddle Scorpion. She stopped in the middle of tightening the saddle, suddenly overcome with unwanted emotions. Seeing Mandy standing nearby, she ran over and gave her a big hug.

"I'll be back later, Mandy," she sniffled, "I promise."

"Of course you will, Kev – I mean, Karen," Mandy said kindly.

Karen grimaced and wiped away the tears she had held so long at bay. "Just stick with Kevin. It's not like my real identity changes much."

"Where will you go?" Mandy asked.

Karen shrugged. "I'm not sure. Guess I'll just ride for a little while. Try to get my bearings back." She scrambled onto Scorpion's saddle and gathered the reins.

"Kevin," Mandy said, an urgent tone in her voice now.

Karen stopped and leaned down a little. "Yeah, Mandy?"

Mandy hesitated a minute, then whispered up to her, "'A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not put out.' Isaiah 42:3. God hasn't given up on you, even if you have given up on Him."

Karen gave a choked cry and charged Scorpion away. _No, no, no, no, NO! Get out of my spiritual life, Mandy, I don't want to hear about it!_

That was it then. She was leaving today. She'd go find the Cartwrights. Maybe she could get a job working for them. A few weeks in the mountains should clear her brain, and help her forget everything that had just happened…

…

Adam Cartwright rubbed his forehead and grimaced. _Of all days…_ The supply depot in Virginia City was practically stockless. Everything needed for the cattle drive appeared to have been already reserved by a wealthy stranger passing through town. The bank was closed, a riot had started in the bar, resulting in a town drunk deciding Adam looked like a perfect victim for a black eye, and now he was stuck outside the telegraph office as he waited for the telegraph worker to get back.

"Well if it isn't the high and mighty Adam Cartwright," a voice drawled across from him.

Adam looked up to see a slight figure wearing black leaning against the building five feet away. "Kevin Lanard?"

"That's me," Kevin tipped his hat, allowing a slight grin to pass across his face. "'Cepting this time it's me who wants to make a bargain with you."

Adam raised an eyebrow. "You want to make a bargain with me?" _Oh, things are just getting better by the second._

Kevin grinned slyly. "Hear tell you've got a cattle drive coming up."

Adam's eyes narrowed. "What about it?"

Kevin examined his gloved fingers as he continued. "Well, seeing as you'll need some supplies, and I've already bought the store out…"

"_You_ bought everything?" Adam asked in exasperation.

Kevin grinned. "Aye, and what of it."

Adam sighed. This was not turning out to be a good day. "Well we _were_ going to have a cattle drive. Looks like it will have to wait another week now!"

Kevin raised a sardonic smile, looking immensely pleased with himself. "I need a job, Adam."

Adam gave him an astounded look. "You _what_?"

Kevin shrugged. "I need a new look at life. Figured I'd leave the horse business a while. What say you and me make ourselves a deal – you give me a job and I'll give you the supplies for your cattle drive."

"_You_ give me the supplies! Why – but you – augh!" Adam gave up trying to keep a calm demeanor and took great satisfaction in throwing his hat to the ground. For some reason this kid had a way of irritating him in a way even his younger brothers would find impossible.

"Whoa, Cowboy, relax," Kevin said, sounding quite happy with the present circumstances. "Just ask around the town and you'll know I'm trustworthy. Never broken a promise in my life. It's a simple bargain anyways – you need those supplies, right?"

Adam was forced to reluctantly admit the supplies were needed.

"And I need a job. One and one make a deal. You let me work your cattle drive, I'll take care of the expenses."

Now Adam was cynical. "And exactly where do you plan on coming up with the money needed for a cattle drive – not to mention the supplies you promised?"

Kevin grinned and pulled a wad of bills out of his pocket. He fingered through them and said slowly, "I just might have some extra change that could come in handy…"

Adam threw up his hands in defeat. He couldn't believe he was doing this, but for once he felt absolutely cornered. "Fine! I'll give you a job. How soon can you get the supplies delivered to the Ponderosa?"

Kevin laughed. "I already purchased them and had them sent over there already! I knew it wouldn't take much to convince you."

Adam glowered at him, but the boy didn't flinch.

"Relax, Cowboy. I've had worse killer glares than that," Kevin laughed as he made his way down the street. "I'll see you later. Better tell your Pa ahead of time that I'm gonna be there."

Adam shook his head. How in the blazes had that kid managed to get himself past his defenses so fast? It was a rare day that Adam found himself backed into a corner he couldn't get out of. What in the world had he gotten himself into?

…..

Karen grinned to herself as she made her way towards the hotel. Something nice to eat, a nice hot bath, oh yeah – things were looking up.

"Watch where you're goin' kid!"

Karen didn't see the miner until she bumped right into him.

"Sorry about that sir," she muttered as she scooted around him, "Wasn't paying attention."

"Well yur gonna pay real close attention to this," he shouted and plowed a fist into her face.

Karen fell to the ground with a groan, but leaped up an instant later and barreled into the man so fast he didn't even have time to break his fall. From there on it was all chaos.

Ten minutes, two broken tether posts, and three shattered windows later, Sheriff Coffee and Adam were pulling the two brawlers away from each other as they still attempted to continue the mayhem.

"Y' just wait, boy," the miner shouted, "Next time I'll challenge ya ta a real fight! An' ya won't have yer pretty friends ta help ya either!"

Karen growled and struggled against Adam's hold on her arms. "Let go of me you big oaf!" She yelled, nearly forgetting to lower her voice in the process. "Stupid oversized cotton picking worm!"

The last comment was aimed at the miner, and it sufficiently caused enough adrenaline to pump through the man's veins that Sheriff Coffee had to have several others aid him in dragging the enraged man to the jailhouse.

Karen, after delivering her last comment, immediately ceased her struggles against Adam's hold and stood smugly by, watching the miner being taken away.

"Rather pathetic isn't it," she said primly. "You'd think he'd have something better to do with his life."

Adam glared at her. "What was that all about?"

Karen shrugged. "He hit me first."

Adam's voice turned eerily quiet. "All right, let's get one thing straight," he said in a low tone that spoke volumes.

Karen shuddered slightly. _Boy he sure knows how to scare people. _She refused to look away though, but matched his gaze.

Adam didn't look away this time. "No more brawling," he said, punctuating each word. "If you're going to work for us, I expect to you behave as any of the hands will. So no brawling, no drinking," (Karen made a face), "No neglecting your work. Understood?"

Karen blanched. "Boy you sure make things hard, don't ya?"

Adam crossed his arms and waited for her answer.

"Oh, all right," Karen shrugged helplessly, then stuck out a hand. "Deal."

Adam relaxed slightly and shook the proffered hand. "All right, I'll expect you by tomorrow then."

"Any particular time?"

"Nope."

Karen sighed. "All right then, Cowboy. Guess I'll be seeing you then."

Adam nodded. "Don't worry about introducing yourself. I'll make sure Pa knows _**everything**_ about you before you arrive."

Karen's eyes widened slightly, though she remained outwardly calm. _I am __**so **__dead!_

…..

"I'm surprised you managed to get all the supplies here so quickly, Adam." Ben commented as he checked over the costs for the trip. "I never would have thought of sending them ahead myself."

"I didn't think of it, Pa." Adam said, the tension apparent in his voice.

Ben stopped in the middle of his calculations. "Well then who did, Adam?"

"Well…I…" Adam's voice trailed off.

Ben put down his pen and folded his fingers under his chin. "I am asking you a question, Adam. Who sent the supplies?"

Adam hesitated and scratched his head. "Pa, what would you say if we hired an extra hand for the cattle drive?"

Ben's eyebrows drew together in a Cartwright weather alert of 'heavy low clouds with a chance of thunder.' "I suppose I would ask what made you think we needed the extra help for. Who Sent Those Supplies?"

Adam blanched. "Pa, I had to do it."

"Had to do What? Adam, answer my question! WHO SENT THOSE SUPPLIES?"

Adam flipped his hat between his fingers. "I hired Kevin."

"Well then who in the blazes sent those supplies here? Fire and brimstone, stop evading my question!"

Adam tossed the hat onto a chair and stood facing the fireplace for a few minutes as he tried to gather his calm.

"Kevin Lanard sent the supplies," he finally answered

"Kevin Lanard? Isn't he the one who sold us those horses?" Ben asked.

Adam threw up his hands in obvious frustration. "And he managed to corner me into giving him a job on the cattle drive."

Ben looked slightly disturbed. "The cattle drive is an important job, Adam. I might have expected one of your brothers to give away a position so freely, but not you, Adam."

Adam shook his head. "I had no choice in the matter. He managed to empty the store of its entire stock. We'd have had to wait at least a week for more supplies, and then…"

"And then it might have been too late," Ben agreed. "I see."

Silence reigned in the room for several minutes as Adam stared into the fireplace.

"Isn't this Kevin the one you were so suspicious about?" Ben asked in a quieter tone.

Adam nodded. "He'll be here tomorrow. I told him I'd warn you about him first."

"Warn me?" Ben leaned back in his chair. "About what, Adam?"

Adam sighed. "Five minutes after talking with him he managed to pull off one of the most destructive brawls I've see since Joe started getting into saloon fights."

"Exactly how many people did this Kevin entangle into his scheme?"

Adam looked up, some admiration showing on his face. "Just one, Pa. And he managed to take three fence posts and a couple windows with him in just ten minutes."

"Ten minutes?" Ben knit his fingers together and considered. "You think he's rather dangerous then."

"I don't know for sure," Adam growled. "He's only fifteen, but he's got a reputation for drinking and starting a brawl in almost every bar within ten miles of Virginia City."

"And you hired him for the cattle drive."

"What else could I do? We needed the supplies. He even gave me enough money to cover the rest of the expenses!" With that Adam pulled out a wad of bills from his boot and plopped them down on Ben's desk.

Ben examined the contents and gave a soft sigh. "That's…quite the offer," he said slowly.

"I'm wondering if it's going to be worth it," Adam voiced his and Ben's own thought at the same time.

Ben thought for a few minutes, letting the ticking of the clock and the banging of Hop Sing's pans be the only sounds to permeate the silence.

"I suppose," he said finally, "That the only way to go about this is to give Kevin his chance…and face the consequences of any unforeseen actions."

Little did he know…

….

Karen, a.k.a. Kevin, carefully examined her reflection in the mirror. Normally she didn't worry about her appearance, considering it to be yet another flaw destined to make her true identity known, however this time she wanted to make an impression.

Black pants, black long sleeved shirt, black hat, black bandana, black boots, two holster black gun belt, two black shoulder holsters, black gloves, two brown knife sheaths hidden in her boots. _Oh, well_, she considered, examining the knife sheaths,_ At least most of my costume matches._ Despite that factor, if one put all the above together with one black eye, massive bruising on her face, and a slight limp, Kevin Lanard appeared a very dangerous character. _Oh, yeah. Ben Cartwright is gonna love me._

Someday she was going to kill herself with her own sarcasm.

Well, that day hadn't come yet, and she still had to make good her promise to Adam, so with a flourish at the reflection in the mirror, (and a satisfying crack as she drove her fist into it) Karen smoothly leaped into Scorpion's saddle and rode off towards the Ponderosa. It wasn't hard to get directions. _**Everyone**_seemed to know where it was.

_Okay, get in there, get the job done, don't kill anyone, don't die. __**Really**__ good advice at the moment. Yeah. Right._

She saw the black and white pinto before she saw his rider, and she surprised herself by almost falling out of the saddle when Joe popped up out of nowhere beside her.

"What are you doing on Ponderosa land?"

Karen instinctively pulled out a gun, and both she and Joe were shocked to find themselves equally matched with their draw speed.

Joe gave a slight chuckle as he recognized the black stallion Kevin rode. "Looks like we're not going to get anywhere like this," he said as he let his gun drop to the floor.

Karen was more surprised at Joe dropping his gun than when he first popped up beside her. She gave a nervous laugh and twirled her gun several times before putting it back in the holster. Joe grinned and retrieved his own weapon, keeping a close eye on Scorpion's powerful hooves as he did so.

"What brings you here?" Joe asked as he mounted Cochise. "Pa didn't discuss buying any more horses."

"Nope, but your brother did offer me a job while I was in town yesterday," Karen replied in her deep tone, getting straight to the point.

"Adam did?" Joe asked in surprise. "What for?"

Karen shrugged, not wanting to go into details. "I made a bargain with him."

"Hey, Lil' Joe," a booming voice called out, scaring Karen out of her wits but sparing her from any further unwanted explanations.

She drew back slightly as Hoss rode in on Chub. "Got the supplies in yesterday. Pa says we'll be moving out as soon as the new hand comes in." His eyes brightened as he saw Karen. "Ya come to sell us any more of them horses?" he asked in a hopeful tone.

Karen couldn't help but grin. Hoss seemed an amiable person who made almost made her feel like she could forget her own troubles. "Actually, I'm the new hand," she exclaimed.

Hoss's eyes widened. "You're the new hand?" he asked in bewilderment.

Karen rolled her eyes. "Must everyone ask the same question? Yes, I'm the hired hand! Now can I get going?"

"Well, I'm right sorry about that, kid," Hoss apologized, "Didn't mean nuthin' by it."

Karen's eyes narrowed. "Don't. Call. Me. Kid." Without further ado she nudged Scorpion forward and galloped out of sight. _Nice job, getting a temper at your employees sons. You do make a mess of things, don't you Karen?_

…

Ben was finishing the bookkeeping outside when Kevin rode in.

"Mr. Cartwright," the boy greeted respectively as he dismounted.

Ben immediately took in the black outfit, the four guns, and the bruises covering the youth's face. "Adam said he hired you for the cattle drive," he said, not waiting for a proper introduction.

Kevin nodded. "I hope I caused no trouble by my offer to cover the expenses."

Ben shook his head. "No trouble at all. However, I am curious as to why you would leave your obviously profitable work of selling horses just to help in a cattle drive."

Kevin shrugged. "Change of scenery. Figured I needed to get out of the canyon for a time."

Ben raised an eyebrow. "And you think a cattle drive will provide you with that? Cattle driving is hot, long, and unpleasant work. It's enough to tax even the strongest man's patience. Do you realize exactly what you're getting into?"

Kevin shrugged again. "Reckon so."

Ben was irritated at the arrogant response, and yet he slightly admired the boy. "Well I'll tell you exactly what you're getting into," he said sternly, "Ten days of driving fifteen hundred cattle in rain, boiling sun, and whatever else the weather decides to send our way. If a stampede starts there's no promising you'll be able to get out of the way in time. There's rattlesnakes, cougars, and wolves. Any one of these can kill you at a moment's notice, and there's no promising a doctor will be able to get to you before it's too late." He hoped he had scared the boy enough into asking for his money back and leaving the territory. This was no field trip for children.

Kevin seemed to be having a difficult time refraining from rolling his eyes. "I reckon I know what I'm getting into, sir," he answered indifferently. "I know there's a chance I won't make it out alive, but that chance is the same for everyone, isn't it?" Seeing Ben's stoic face, she added, "If I don't seem capable of the job, you can fire me anytime, sir."

Ben's face softened somewhat. The boy knew what he was doing at least, though he wasn't ready to fully trust him yet. "I'll see how you take it the first few days," he answered. "Be ready by tomorrow, early." He sat back down, signaling the conversation over.

Kevin nodded. "I'll be there sir."

_I hope not,_ Ben thought as he watched the dark clad rider gallop away. _Because I don't want this to become a mistake I'll regret._

…

Karen tethered Scorpion to huge fir and listened to the rain pattering around them. Sleeping under a tree in a potential thunderstorm probably wasn't the safest idea, but then again, she'd done stupider thing before. After a few attempts with some half way decently dried wood, Karen eventually got a fire going, then hesitantly pulled out her Bible, opening it to the passage Mandy had spoken of earlier.

"A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out."

She bit back sobs that threatened to come up her throat and closed the Bible, counting that verse as her Psalm for the evening.

_God, are you still there? Am I just a bruised reed, or am I too broken for You to deal with? _She looked down. _I wish I knew you. I just…can't talk to you anymore. Not since my parents died. I'm sorry…for everything I've become, but it's just so hard._

Not expecting an answer, and overcome with guilt, she curled up in her blanket and tried to block out her emotions.

I still love you, was the thought that entered her head unbidden. Tears came to her eyes, but she dismissed the thought as just a random attempt at a conversation with God, with herself trying to answer it.

Guess I'm to dark to talk to You anyways, she though as she shut her eyes tightly and eventually drifted off to sleep.

….

Everything was hustle and bustle the next morning as everyone prepared the cattle drive. Ben was calling out orders, his sons and the fellow hands were scrambling to finish up the preparations, and Kevin appeared to be doing his best to stay out of the way.

Adam shook his head and looked towards Joe, who seemed to be deeply involved in an argument with Clem.

"Just watch yourself, Cartwright," Adam heard the ranch hand's underlining threat, "A lot of things can happen on a cattle drive, and I'm not going to be held responsible for you."

Joe and Clem glared at each other for about ten more seconds before they parted in a huff.

"What was that about?" Adam questioned.

"None of your business," Joe shot back.

Adam noticed Joe was riding Prince instead of Cochise, and wondered what had made Joe decide against taking his favorite horse. He didn't have time to worry any further about Joe's predicament however, but he hoped it wasn't anything too serious. They would have problems enough with the upcoming cattle drive. Adam looked for Kevin and saw him helping Hop Sing load the kitchen wagon.

Well at least he's making himself useful, Adam noted as he watched in slight approval as the boy lifted a flour pack nearly half his size into the wagon. Let's see how he handles the first couple days.

Kevin stopped loading at that moment and paused with a bag of flour still in the air. He was staring at Clem's retreating back. Shock, fear, then hatred all flitted across his features before it returned to its passive state, but the implications remained. Kevin knew Clem from somewhere…

…..

Oh, yes the day has started out **wonderfully**! Karen thought as she huddled inside her rain parka and sadly recalled the whiskey flask she had left at home. Lugging fifty pound bags of flour and kitchen supplies at four o'clock in the morning, slipping in the mud through the afternoon, still slogging through the muck on horseback when it should be dinnertime!

Not to mention he was there. Karen fought the bile she felt building in her throat. Four years of searching, and suddenly he had shown up right where she never expected.

Clark Trelaunt. I promised you I'd never forget that day. I still remember you…

"Hey Kevin," Hoss's voice rang out behind her, causing her to lose her balance and nearly land with a slap in the wet mud below. Karen growled and hoisted herself up by the saddle horn.

"Hey, ya alright there, Kevin?" Hoss asked good naturedly. "I almost thought you were gonna fall off your horse thar for a minute."

"Fine, Hoss. Just fine," Karen answered through clenched teeth, then she sneezed explosively.

"You ain't getting' sick there, are ya, Kevin?" Hoss reprimanded her. "Don't you get too sick none, 'cause it ain't gonna be easy this here trip."

"Wow, thanks for the advice," Karen said mournfully. "Remind me to take it a little early next time." She sneezed again, but at a concerned look from Adam immediately straightened in her saddle as though nothing was wrong. Oh, she was going to get him for this someday! Him and his cotton picking calm demeanor and – and – and – Oh! He just infuriated her to the tenth degree!

She spend the next hour and a half listening to Hoss's chatter and inwardly considering all the different facial expressions Adam could come up with if she suddenly reached over and pushed him into the mud.

….

Adam watched Kevin out of the corner of his eyes. After the boy had nearly gone through with his idea of spending the night in the rain, the Cartwright family had finally convinced him to share their tent. Once inside Kevin had put his bedroll in the furthest side of the tent, away from the others, then had immediately proceeded to devour the dime novel Joe had brought along, hardly waiting for a 'by your leave' from the youngest Cartwright. After finishing the novel in less than half an hour, Kevin had fiddled with his shoulder holsters in such a pathetically bored fashion that finally Adam had taken pity on him and offered him one of his own books to read. The boy's eyes had lit up as he practically snatched a history book from Adam's small pile on the floor and dove into it eagerly. He hardly looked up even for dinner. Kevin ate like a bird. A few snatches, then back to his book. He didn't even finish his plate.

Adam couldn't help but grin though. He was pretty sure he'd finally found a disciple. He wondered if the boy knew any poetry. He noticed Kevin had taken out a Bible and read it briefly before turning in, but that didn't tell him much in itself. There had been a few highlighted passages though, and though the yellow coloring had faded, it was obvious that this book had once been read often.

Well, Kevin, let's see what your made up of. I wonder what else we'll find out about you during this trip.

…

Adam soon found out that Kevin, in his own way, seemed to be made up of three different personalities. One minute he would be snapping his head off at whoever did whatever deed that he deemed worthy enough to deserve his annoyance, next minute he could be laughing and joking around, or at other times he would be uncharacteristically silent, his facial expression showing nothing of what he was feeling inside.

Most of the time Kevin avoided Clem like the plague. Adam wasn't sure what had happened between the two of them, but the dark glares that Kevin shot in Clem's direction whenever they made eye contact seemed to hint that their past encounters were never very peaceful. Adam hoped they wouldn't get into a fight. The cattle drive was already having enough troubles as it was.

"It was a rabbit and that's final!" Kevin's voice rang out throughout the clearing, breaking into Adam's thoughts.

"No, it wasn't! Hoss, tell him it was a raccoon," Joe's voice called back.

"I don't know, Joe, I didn't see nuthin'," was Hoss's reply.

"You see! It was a rabbit! Rabbit, rabbit, RABBIT!"

"RACOON!"

Adam listened to the two squabbling boys and shook his head. Kevin was in a good mood at least. But Adam knew there was an underlying tension to the argument that none of the riders wanted to admit.

A small section of desert was coming up. This was a dangerous area for a cattle drive. With scarcely a tree for cover, were a stampede to occur, getting trampled was no longer an if, but a when.

Sport snorted and shied slightly to the right, as though agreeing with Adam's point. Adam gave a cursory glance towards Clem, feeling the strangest sense of foreboding.

Of all the days…

…

Karen was enjoying a late afternoon snack of jerky when she noticed Clem and Joe arguing again. Edging Scorpion closer to the front of the herd, she strained to listen.

"I'm warning you, boy. This is no time to start prying in my private affairs!" Clem's voice was low, but the threat lingered in his tone.

"Pa made it clear that there was no drinking allowed on the drive, and that's the third time I've caught you with that bottle of yours," Joe's voice was authoritative, young as he was.

Clem slowly smiled. "Watcha going to do about it, kid?" He pulled out his flask and took a long, deliberate swig.

"All right, that's it," Joe muttered as he wheeled his horse around to report to Ben.

"Hey!" Clem shouted as he grabbed Prince's reins and jerked the horse to a stop. Karen started to ride forward, but stopped as Clem leaned forward and whispered harshly in Joe's face, "I said don't meddle in my affairs, boy. Your Pa's done enough already."

"Let go of my horse," Joe answered in an equally deadly tone.

Clem slowly smiled. "You're funeral, kid." Pulling Prince forward, he gave a hard slam to the stallion's rear, sending the horse galloping away before Joe could stop it.

Karen shouted out over the abuse to her animal, but her fury turned to fear as Clem drew his pistol and fired a shot right in front of Prince's nose. The horse, now thirty feet in front of the herd, reared sharply on its hind legs, dumping Joe to the ground before catching its own left foreleg in a gofer hole as its front feet landed. The already nervous group of cattle were instantly thrown into a full blown panic, charging straight ahead. Joe was directly in their path.

Forgetting everything but the moment, Karen charged Scorpion forward. She could distantly hear Ben and Hoss's shouts over the pounding of the rushing hooves, but everything seemed to fade before her eyes.

…..

Ben watched as Joe's horse threw him to the ground, then stumbled with a squeal of pain. He shouted out as he saw the stampede of cattle rushing towards his youngest son, who lay dazed on the ground. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Clem race away, but his only concern was for his son.

Just as he thought Joe was done for, he saw Kevin's horse streaking ahead of the frightened cattle. He later remembered thinking how much Kevin had stressed the horses' power and speed, but he had never thought such traits would be so crucial so soon.

Kevin's horse was only a scant ten feet from the oncoming rush when the boy leaped from his saddle and slapped the stallion into a run, away from the heard. He drew a knife from his boot and slashed through Prince's saddle and threw the leather padding over Joe, then the first of the cattle was on them. Ben heard a shot and saw the great white stallion go down, and then there was nothing more than screams from Adam and Hoss, and the pounding thunder of a sea of hooves.

Ben gave a sharp sob and buried his head in his hands.

**Oh, Joseph! Joe, what will I ever do without you?**

…

The first thing Karen was aware of was a great weight on her chest. She couldn't breath! A low moan was heard to her right, and the memories crashed on her. Joe. Stampede. What happened? Adam?

"Pa! Over here!" Adam's voice shouted.

Oh, for crying out loud, Cowboy. Stop shouting! Why can't I –

The weight was lifted from her chest, and she instinctively gasped for air, only to curl up in agony when her ribs protested as though they were on fire.

"Pa! They're alive! Both of them!"

"Stop shouting," she mumbled, forgetting to lower her voice. Funny, for once it didn't seem to matter. Then Adam scooped her up in his arms, and her last thought as darkness swirled in was, Did I actually scream like that?

….

Adam ran forward as soon as main group of cattle had cleared the area. Tears streaked down his cheeks as he thought of what he would find. Joe! Little buddy, how could I lose you?

He raced to the red and pearl mass lying on the ground, trying to keep from vomiting at the sight. Prince was obviously dead, its body mutilated and ripped apart by the flailing hoofs of the cattle. Adam sat down in shock for a moment, unwilling to think of finding the remains of Joe's green jacket, then managed to life his gaze to look beyond the horse.

He gasped in hope and astonishment. Somewhat sheltered behind the stallion's body, a shredded saddle was still slightly draped over his still intact brother. Adam scrambled over the horse, mindless of the blood, and felt for a pulse. Joe moaned as Adam's fingers pressed against his neck.

"Pa! Over here!" Adam shouted. Afraid to move Joe just yet, he looked around for Kevin, then him lying half under Prince's mutilated body.

Hoss made it to his side just them, salt water running down his face. Together they managed to pull the horse's gory remains off the fifteen year old, who immediately started gasping for air.

"Pa! They're alive! Both of them!"

Adam needn't have shouted. Ben was already cradling Joe's head in his arms.

"Adam, he's pretty bad," Ben said in an urgent tone. "We need to get them both to a doctor."

Hoss nodded and ran back for the buckboard they had been using to cart supplies. Several of the hands scrambled to retrieve the cattle, and another galloped to the nearest town for help.

Kevin started muttering something about shouting, and Adam tried gently to calm him down. The boy's voice sounded strange, but Adam didn't have any time to worry about it.

"Here ya go, Pa," Hoss called out as he pulled the buckboard up beside them. "Here, let me take 'im," he held out his hands for Joe.

Ben started to refuse, as Hoss persisted he broke out of his shock and surrendered Joe's prone body to the hands of his older brother. Joe didn't make a sound as Hoss gently laid him in the buckboard, which worried Adam greatly.

As soon as Joe was made as comfortable as possible, Adam carefully lifted Kevin. The boy's high-pitched, ragged scream rent the air, nearly spooking off the horses and knocking Hoss off the buckboard. Adam winced. Neither of the two injured boys should have been moved, but they had no choice. They both needed help immediately. He handed Kevin to Hoss, who laid him on a pile of blankets that had been thrown onto the floor as a makeshift padding.

Hoss clambered into the driver's seat, and Ben and Adam held the two unconscious boys steady as the wagon bumped and rattled along the dirt road.

Kevin started moaning as the jolts brought him to wakefulness. He peered up through glazed eyes at Adam.

"A-Adam?" he whispered in a harsh, unnaturally high tone.

"Hold still," Adam hushed. "We're getting you to the doctor. Everything's going to be okay."

"S-sorry I messed everything up," Kevin said in a slurred tone as his head dropped back.

"Kevin, we need you to try and stay awake for now, all right?" Ben encouraged as he looked worriedly over at Adam.

Kevin gave a small, harsh laugh, followed by a fit of coughing. "Never was too good at obeying orders," he said as he clutched his ribcage with one arm.

"Try to follow this one, and we'll forget the rest," Ben said, trying to keep a smile on his face for the boy's sake.

Kevin seemed to be ignoring him however, and clutched at Adam's shirt as he asked in a weak, tremulous voice, "Adam, am – am I going to die?"

Adam had to force himself to meet the boy's gaze. "No, you're not going to die." I wish I could know I was saying the truth.

Kevin's hand fell back, and he turned his head to the side. "I'm scared, Adam," he whispered. "I – I'm not very good when it comes to God right now. What if – what if He doesn't accept me?"

Adam had no time to answer as the boy's eyelids closed and his head sank back into the blankets. He checked for a pulse, relieved to find that Kevin was still alive.

Hold on, buddy. We'll get you out of this. Both of you.

…

Doctor Harris had just been sitting down to dinner when the ranch hand rode in on his lathered mount and told him of the emergency. The doctor quickly abandoned his relished chicken and mashed potato dinner and prepared his tools for the cattle drive victims. The buckboard arrived an hour later, and the two boys were rushed into another room for operations.

Ben, Hoss and Adam took turns pacing around Doctor Harris's living quarters, doing their best not to bump into each other in their state of dazed confusion. It was several hours before the doctor finally called Ben in, motioning for him to keep as quiet as possible.

Ben took note of the sheet that had been spread out, separating the room into two parts. Doctor Harris sighed at his questioning glance.

"I'll explain in a minute," he whispered.

Ben sat down in the chair that was sitting near Joe's bedside, finding himself instinctively pushing aside the curl that always managed to fall in the exact middle of Joe's forehead.

"How is he, Doctor," he asked in a low voice.

Doctor Harris let out a long breath. "Some cracked ribs, a few minor abrasions, a dislocated shoulder, and a broken arm. It should be worse." He waited for Ben to fill him in with the details.

Ben sighed deeply. "Yes, it should be. Kevin, the other boy we brought in…he threw his saddle over Joe in time. Shot his own horse, too. That horse saved both of their lives." Had it only been several hours ago when the two boys were bickering back and forth about a rabbit that had been spotted? Ben ran a hand across his face, feeling very old all of a sudden. "How is the boy?" he finally asked, looking towards the part of the room that had been curtained off.

The doctor raised an eyebrow. "I don't know how to tell you this, Ben, but…that's no boy over there."

Ben sat up in surprise, his forehead furrowing in confusion. "What?"

"That's no boy," Doctor Harris repeated gently. "That's a young woman you brought in. How she managed to fool you so well is beyond me, but it's been known to happen every now and then."

Ben stood up as the realization struck him. "Is she going to be all right?" he finally asked in a hushed tone as he brought his mind back to the present.

The doctor threw up his hands helplessly. "She's got some broken ribs and her legs busted in three places. Whether or not she makes it is up to her." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "But if she does survive she'll have a limp for life."

Ben sat down again. Everything was coming together. Kevin's reluctance to join them in the camp, his incredible success at such a young age, his voice change as they were racing for help – he should have known something like this was going on.

"But why did he – she hide it from everyone?" he asked, more to himself than anyone.

Doctor Harris pulled up a seat next to him. "It happens here and there," he answered. "Sometimes a girl feels she'll have more opportunity if everyone thinks she's a man, sometimes there are circumstances that force her to act that way. You'll have to ask her yourself." He gave Ben what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "If they pull through the night, they should both be able to recover pretty well. I'd better explain to your boys what happened, though."

"I'll tell them," Ben said slowly. "It's my responsibility."

The doctor nodded and reached for his hat as he saw another rider enter the yard. Ben stopped him as he started to leave.

"Kevin, is it all right for me to go see hi-her?"

The doctor nodded. "Try and keep her fever down as best you can. I'll be back as soon as possible."

Ben nodded and sat down again. His eyes didn't leave Joe's face until the doctor had left and his older sons had entered the room.

"Pa?" Adam asked hesitantly.

Ben swallowed and answered in a husky voice, "There's something I need to tell you."

…..

Adam sat by Kevin's bedside, trying to make sense of the current events. First the kid had threatened him, then struck a bargain with him that left no alternative but consent, then Adam had witness him – her – take down a miner and three windows, then she had managed to survive three grueling days of a cattle drive, only to charge in on her black stallion at the last minute, just in time to save his kid brother's life. Adam shook his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose. A girl. I went ahead and hired a girl for a cattle drive. She can't even be as old as Joe! And Joe…

Adam put his head in his hands, worry for his brother overwhelming him. Quietly standing up, he walked softly over to his Joe's bed, smiling slightly at how Ben had fallen asleep in his chair, having refused to leave his son's bedside. Adam felt Joe's forehead and grimaced at the heat radiating from it. Both Joe and "Kevin" were running high fevers. Adam spent the next half hour going from bed to bed, trying to bring their temperatures down. God, we need your help right now, he silently prayed. I can't bring them through this alone.

Ben snorted himself awake just a few minutes after Adam had managed to bring down Joe and Kevin's fever again.

"You should get some rest," he told Adam as he took the cloth from him and started moping Joe's forehead.

"You're exhausted too, Pa," Adam argued as he moved to "Kevin's" bedside. I wonder what your real name is, kid.

For the first time Ben didn't argue. He just sat quietly by, letting the both of them work to save two lives that night.

…

Karen woke up with a raging headache and sharp pain running up and down her ribs Boy, I really over worked the whiskey this time. She slowly peered out through half closed eyelids to see a pair of brown eyes watching her with concern. Karen sat up with a gasp and then clutched her ribs as they protested.

"What are you –" she started in a high pitched tone, "I mean," (switching to lower voice), "What in the blazes are you doing here for! What happened? Where in the world am I?" Karen gazed at the high ceiling over her, squinting as some falling dust fell from a crack in the plaster.

Adam, to his credit, didn't take a lot of time beating around the bush. "You're in the doctor's house. You've been unconscious for two days. Your name isn't really Kevin, is?"

Karen fell back instantly, feeling utterly depleted. "You found out, huh?" she asked in her normal voice. It felt foreign to her. She hadn't used it around people for so long.

"Why did you feel you had to lie to us about it?" Adam's voice showed his confusion more than his facial expression betrayed.

Karen shrugged. "Why not? It's my life."

"Why?"

Karen glared at his pointed question. "You pester every girl this much, Cowboy?"

"I do when I know they're hiding something."

Karen stared at the ceiling and blew her bangs in the air. "Some…stuff happened. When I was younger. It doesn't matter."

Adam sat back and crossed his arms. "Do you want to talk about it?" he kept his voice low so as not to wake Joseph.

Karen slowly exhaled a long breath, then put her arms behind her head and stretched full length across the bed. "Not really."

"How old were you?"

Karen shrugged. "I was about fourteen, fifteen. Not going to say any more 'an that."

Adam's endless patience was unnerving. "Can you at least tell me your real name? And I suppose you're not really fifteen by now, are you?"

Karen sighed in semi-vexation. "Karen. Karen Lanard. I'm going to turn twenty in April."

"It's June, now," Adam said in a calm, matter of fact tone.

Karen shot him a glare. "Yeah, whatever." She waited for the interrogation to continue, and was surprised when Adam stood up and answered,

"Well if you don't want to talk about it, I won't force you. I hope you'll have a good excuse to give Pa when he asks, however."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa – who said anything about talking to Ben? I'm hightailing out of here as soon as my horse comes in!" Karen sat up to prove her point and started to get out of bed – only to find she couldn't move her leg. Her face paled slightly, and she carefully pulled back the covers and saw the massive plaster covering her limb.

"Oh."

Adam sat back down again, his gaze somewhat more sympathetic now. "Your leg broke in three places. It'll be a while before you can walk again, and you may have a limp for life."

Karen sat back defeated.

"Do you have anywhere to go?" Adam asked with concern.

Karen shook her head numbly. "Not anymore," she answered, surprised by the quaver in her voice.

Adam dipped his head slightly. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I was hoping the doctor could deliver the news, but he hasn't returned yet." He hesitated a moment. "You're welcome to stay at the Ponderosa if you want."

Karen's head shot up and she rolled her eyes. "Oh, yeah, sure I can! Just because you pity me. Just because I broke my leg! Not to mention I'm a girl now, aren't I! And that makes me super special now, doesn't it? Any other suggestions you wanna make, Cowboy?"

"I was offering because you saved my younger brother's life," Adam retorted, his own voice reaching near shouting pitch.

A thundercloud glare from Ben told him they were disturbing Joe's sleep. Adam dropped his voice to a harsh whisper.

"If I were just giving you my pity I would have offered any other alternative!" he hissed. "And no, it wasn't because of any feelings for you either! Now I don't know who you are, what happened in your past, or what your personal life is like now. I just want to make sure you don't go out and get yourself killed trying to move around on that leg before it's healed yet!"

Karen stared at him for a moment, then grinned. "Y'know Cowboy, for being such an emotionless freak, you're not too bad at working up a temper tantrum."

Adam rolled his eyes. "Thanks," he said sarcastically. "Now what are you going to do for the next six months or so while waiting for that leg of yours to get well?"

Karen considered a minute. "Need any help with the ranch?" she asked, instinctively returning to her "Kevin" tone.

Adam gave her his no nonsense stare. "I really don't think you'll be much help with your leg like that," he said dryly.

At least he doesn't sugar coat it, Karen considered as she matched his gaze with her own cynical eyebrow. Finally it was she who had to look away as she sunk back onto the pillows again with a sigh.

"Fine, you win. I just hate accepting charity, that's all."

Adam nodded his understanding. "After being used to having an independent business of your own, I understand it would be hard to comply with such assistance." He was silent for a moment as he thought hard. "Any experience repairing fence lines?" he offered. "I'm sure you could do the lower rungs well enough in a wheelchair." He winced, unsure how Karen would react to the idea of having to use a wheelchair for the next six months of her life, but to his surprise she took to the idea eagerly.

"Really! Would I get in the way at all?" In her excitement she dropped her formal tone, letting her girlish side show itself for once.

Adam raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Oh, I'm sure you wouldn't hurt things too badly," he answered. "If you work for your room and board, I'm sure Pa won't mind much either."

That was the right thing to say. Karen leaned back luxuriously as she considered the possibilities. "Yeah…working for the Cartwrights. I never thought I'd say this, Cowboy, but I think that idea's right nice for now."

Adam gave a sharp nod. "It's settled then. I'll talk with Pa, we can discuss any further details, then consider it a job."

Karen grinned. "Deal," she said, putting out a hand.

Adam smiled and shook it, already wondering what he'd gotten himself into.

….

A week later, Karen sat outside the Ponderosa house, watching the sunset. Ben had taken a little convincing, but eventually he had agreed to let her stay until she was able to travel back home on her own. He had even set up the spare room for her – a room complete with lock and key, not to mention a nice first floor window – perfect for midnight escapes (though she didn't tell him about that part).

Joe and Hoss, after recovering from the initial shock, had taken rather well to having a "little sister" around. (Although in Joe's case having a little sister was height only, as they were both close to the same age) Secretly Karen figured it was only the fact that her hair was too short and she still wore boy's clothing that kept both the younger brothers from trying to woo her right on.

She looked up to where the sun was sinking slowly into the pines and took a deep breath of the fresh mountain air. Well, God. Guess this is my new life. Thank you for giving it back to me. Maybe…maybe now I'll have the chance to come back to You again. Maybe…

The wind lifted through the pine boughs, brushing against her face. She felt oddly at peace, like God wasn't as far away. Karen gave a rueful grin. I just had to bust up my leg in order for this to happen. Well, if it works…

She smiled and wheeled her chair back into the house, anxious to know what would happen next.

Karen's entire look at life may have been different had she seen the dark shadow of a horse and rider standing on a hillside overlooking the Ponderosa.

Clem smiled slowly and shook his head. So, you managed to survive, both of you. Let's just see if things stay that way. Consider yourselves getting a momentary reprieve…

I never forget, Ben Cartwright, that one thing I promise you. I **never** forget!

…

**End of Part 1**


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